Para Sa’yo Na Gusto Nang Sumuko

RB Cabutin

October 10, 2019


Naiintindihan ko . . . siguro.

I understand the mornings you wake up wishing you never had to. I understand the times you wanted to be alone but also wanted someone to be there. I understand the pain. I understand the cries no one can hear. I understand the hunger for joy.

Naiintindihan ko . . . siguro.

And there you are, looking back to your better days. Sometimes, walking the same pavements you walked those days. Sometimes, messaging the same people who used to make you feel happy. Sometimes, staying in cafés that remind you of conversations filled with joy and laughter.

Naiintindihan ko . . . siguro.

These days, maybe you want everything to end. Life has become so unbearable. People have become so confusing. Situations have become hopeless. Sadness has become the norm for you. The calm has become suspicious.

But this is my request to you, my friend: Do not give up. Not now. not ever.

Because you are you, and no one can replace the space you fill.

I have seen the face of a mom burying her son who died of suicide. She told herself she would never allow anything to hurt her child. When she gave birth to him, she saw a spark. She saw life. She saw joy. But now, her life would never be the same because she is a mom who can no longer embrace her child in this lifetime.

I have seen the face of a friend who never really understood what had happened. They fought battles together. They wanted what’s best for one another. They prayed with and for one another. And now all he has are memories, regrets, and what ifs.

I have seen the face of the people who have lost so much because they lost him. I have seen how life would never be the same because what was snatched away can never be brought back—the opportunity to make things right, the opportunity to love, the opportunity to grow together.

Giving up now would mean taking away so many chances from yourself and from others.

I am not here to make you feel guilty. I am here to tell you that you matter.

Escape will never solve anything. Pain can never be fixed by more pain.

I may never understand exactly, but I also know that tomorrow offers another chance to be better.

Not giving up taught me this: It will eventually get better.

Get all the help you can. Talk to someone. Exercise. Eat out. Travel alone or with friends. Go soul-searching. Seek professional help.

Things will eventually get better.

I understand that you feel like you’re at a dead end. But in Christ, dead ends can become adventures themselves.

Psalm 16:11 says that God makes known to us the path of life, in His presence there is fullness of joy, and at His right hand are pleasures forevermore.

I know how this idea becomes foreign sometimes. There seems to be no fullness of joy. But sometimes joy comes, not in an instant, but in the enduring.

Jesus knows and understands perfectly what joy looks like after all the enduring. He perfectly understands because He went through pain and suffering, just like you and I. He endured the cross, despising its shame. Now, He is seated on high, far above the struggles of this world.

In Jesus there is peace—shalom—nothing missing, nothing broken.

And in the enduring, I pray you find that peace in God. I pray you would be secure in the fact that God always cares and that He is always in control.

I can’t promise it would be easy soon. And I also cannot promise that it would not happen again in the future.

There will be days when it’s going to be hard to sleep because of all the voices in your head. There will be days when it’s going to be difficult to get up in the morning because of the pain. But hope remains as you fix your eyes on Jesus, the Source of hope, love, and complete peace.

Mahalaga ka.

Minamahal ka.

‘Di ka nag-iisa.


Ang kaibigan mong nakakaintindi . . . siguro.


The Author

RB Cabutin

RB Cabutin is a Journalism graduate from the Polytechnic University of the Philippines. He surrendered his life to Christ when some of his activist friends shared the Gospel to him. They are now in different churches but still serving one God. RB knew he wanted to go fulltime ministry when he understood that long-lasting change in this nation would start in discipling the next generation. He serves as one of the campus missionaries of EN Campus Metro East.