Honestly?

I can’t breathe.

Not here.

I can no longer . . .          

Bring myself out of bed like I used to

Rise up as they tell me to

Empower like I’m meant to do

Avoid the bad

Tell others to just focus on the good, so we can

Hurry up and get our act together; to go on and

Expect what we just can’t see yet

I think I’m quite done doing that.

I’ve lost the love in what I’ve seen happen over and over and over again, that what I knew so well caused more exhaustion than passion.

Lately, to find strength means putting on a show and spitting out all of the right words about how faithful I am supposed to be, how free I am supposed to feel, or how on fire I am supposed to stay . . .

not when I try to catch my breath under the counts of pressure, as I watch everyone else paint the exact same strokes, never stepping back to take time to rest; 

not when I am holding my breath as if I were underwater, while all I see is the same old me in the mirror, asking, “Is this the life that God promised for me?”

not when I take that one small breath beneath all of the fears I try to hide, only to have me realize that all this suffocation doesn’t help me be God’s child.

It’s true.

I don’t need another piece of passive advice. I need a new breath that brings new life.

I don’t need another project to strategize. I need new colors that spark new fires.

I don’t need another race to win. I need a new heart that beats in the midst of my Father’s sight.

Because honestly . . . 

Do you remember what it was like to dance on the day when He broke those chains?

Do you remember when He called you by name saying, “Child, you are Mine”?

Do you remember how He was more than what you needed?

With every promise

You call to mind

That we are Your children 

Loved by You

Breathe on us 

Come fire fall 

Spirit of God 

Spirit of God*

Do we remember enough to say—

He is breath Himself.

Here, I can be my Father’s child.

*These lyrics are from the song, “Breathe,” by AWAKE84, the youth arm of Victory Worship whose passion and goal is to sing the heart of the next generation church.

This single will be released on various digital streaming platforms on October 29, 2021.